Ever since last Tuesday when I found out about the existence of pizza, I have dreamt of opening my very own pizza place and now that dream has finally come true…

Welcome to PEEZER!

- the Figure

Founder & Head Chef & Quality Control Taster & Chief Delivery Officer

CHEESE & TOMATO
Called a 'Margherita' if the restaurant is posh

PEPPERONI
Little discs of pure flavour

DOUBLE PEPPERONI
Also known as ‘adequate amount of pepperoni’

ONE PEPPERONI
Right in the middle, infinite symmetry

CHICKEN & BACON
Entirely different from bacon & chicken

BACON & CHICKEN
Not to be confused with chicken & bacon

ALL THE MEATS
When you want a little bite of each one

SOME OF THE MEATS
Why would you ever order this one

MYSTERY MEATS
You’ve had dark meat, now try purple meat

PINEAPPLE
No additions allowed (specifically, ham)

TWO CHEESE
…is the most you can taste at once

VEGETARIAN
You’ll get mushrooms and you’ll like it

THE FRANKENSTEIN
No photos, no refunds

PIZZA
The pizza lover’s pizza

GOLDFISH
May contain bones and fluorescent gravel

30 - 40 OLIVES
You will certainly not regret eating 30 - 40 olives

JUST THE CRUST
For picky eaters and dip demons

NONE PIZZA WITH LEFT BEEF
If you know, you know

  • Once your order comes in, I leap into action and begin making your pizza with only the finest ingredients, all locally sourced within 1300 miles of the store

  • My pizzas are cooked in a woodfired pizza oven fueled with the very best workshop wood offcuts, which is both probably environmentally friendly and creates a lot of smoke, which is very normal. Very authentic.

  • I pick a tiny, tiny bit off each pizza and taste it to make sure it meets my high standards.

    You can't even tell I do it, I promise.

  • Whilst in-store collection is technically available, I really, really don’t mind delivering your pizza via my proprietary pepperoni powered moped, with bespoke pizza holster, even if you’re just around the corner. Please please.